Script - transcript from the screenplay and/or Gerard Butler Sparta Movie
Meet the Spartans () on IMDb: Movies, TV, Celebs, and more. Hide Spoilers In funny movie Meet Spartans I make fun of other movie. .. Lena Headey) and son, leading a small army formed by a captain(Kevin Sorbo in the character. Leonidas, the king of the Spartans, was molded as a boy by the iron fists of his of the comic book-inspired blockbuster that Meet the Spartans is based on. One scene shows the actress naked on her back with key areas covered by food. Leonidas is shown "toughening up" his 9-year-old son through a number of. The last couple weren't so hot. But these two geniuses were just saving up for " Meet The Spartan" The backbone of the film is "The " plot starting with that famous opening scene where the Thirty-one year old Sean Maguire plays Leonida (did you know my son named his baby Sebastian Leonidas?.
Accompanied by the Spartan politician Traitoro, the messenger presents Xerxes ' demands for Sparta's submission. After growing angry with both the messenger's disrespect and finding him making out with his wife, Leonidas kicks him into a pit.
Despite Traitoro's advice that the messenger's guards are now needed to convey the actual message, Leonidas kicks them in as well, along with several other people he simply dislikes, such as Britney Spears Nicole ParkerRyan Seacrestand the American Idol ju dg es. Resolving to face the PersiansLeonidas visits the prophets and gives them medicines such as Neutrogena as their price for their consultation.
Meet the Spartans () - Meet the Spartans () - User Reviews - IMDb
They advise him that he should consult the Oracle for any advice. The Oracle, Ugly Bettyreveals that Leonidas will die should he go to war. After reaching a decision while spending the night with his wife, Leonidas meets the soldiers assembled for his departure to Thermopylaeand finds that only thirteen were accepted in the army due to stringent requirements. Among them are Captain, his son Sonio, and a slightly unfit Spartan named Dilio. Once at the Hot Gates, they encounter a deformed Paris Hilton also played by Parkerwho tells Leonidas and the Captain about a secret goat path above the Hot Gates that Xerxes could use to outflank the Spartans.
When she asks to be made a Spartan soldier, Leonidas rejects her as unqualified due to her inability to use a spear correctly. Leonidas and his platoon soon face off with Xerxes' messenger and his Immortals, beating them in a dance contest before driving them off a cliff. Spoilers The only reason I went to see this movie, was because I knew it was going to be bad. That's obviously not a good reason, but in retrospect, some really bad movies are funny when thought about later.
I've had chuckles about how bad Epic Movie was, but this Maybe it was the fact that half the audience was laughing at these awful jokes, or the fact that this stupid monstrosity was even green lighted, but after this ended I felt drained of my life. No movie has ever made me feel this way. The jokes all feel like ones that 9 year old boys would find hysterical, where everyone else would just hate them.
Other than spoof jokes, every other joke is one involving pain. There were dozens of crotch hits and back breaks. There are also many gross out, vomit, sneezing, and boil bursting jokes. There was one joke that had me mildly chuckling, but then they killed the joke by over explaining it.
It didn't need to be explained, a monkey could understand it. Repetitiveness was the only word that comes to mind when watching this. King Leonidas knocks a messenger in the hole, then his two men. Okay, not funny, but at least it's over You insult my queen.
You threaten my people with slavery and death. Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same. We have been expecting you. The ephors, priests to the old gods. More creature than man. Creatures whom even Leonidas must bribe and beg. For no Spartan king has gone to war without the ephors' blessing. The Persians claim their forces number in the millions. I hope, for our sake, they exaggerate.
But there's no question, we face the most massive army ever assembled. Before your plan is heard We will use our superior fighting skills We will march north to the coast, where I will make sure It is August, Leonidas. The full moon approaches. The sacred and ancient festival. Sparta wages no war at the time of the Carneia. Her men will die at arms Now, we will block the Persian coastal assault And from there, we will funnel them into the mountain pass we call the Hot Gates.
Now, in that narrow corridor, their numbers will count for nothing. And wave after wave of Persian attack Xerxes' losses will be so great, his men so demoralized We must consult the oracle.
Trust the gods, Leonidas. I'd prefer you trusted your reason. We will consult the oracle. Worthless remnants of a time before Sparta's ascent from darkness. Remnants of a senseless tradition. Tradition even Leonidas cannot defy That is the law.
And no Spartan, subject or citizen, man or woman The ephors choose only the most beautiful Spartan girls Their beauty is their curse All Greece will fall. Trust not in men Truly, you're in the god-king's favor now O wise and holy men. And when Sparta burns, you shall bathe in gold. Fresh oracles shall be delivered to you Your lips can finish what your fingers have started. Or has the oracle robbed you of your desire as well? It would take more than the words of a drunken adolescent girl Then why so distant?
So that is why my king loses sleep and is forced from the warmth of his bed? There's only one woman's words that should affect the mood of my husband. Then what must a king do to save his world It is not a question of what a Spartan citizen should do Instead ask yourself, my dearest love All with born sons to carry on their name. We are with you, sire. He is your son. He is too young to have felt a woman's warmth. I have others to replace him. Astinos is as brave and ready as any. No younger than we were the first time you stood next to me in battle.
You are a good friend My good king, the oracle has spoken. The ephors have spoken. There must be no march. It is the law, my lord. I've issued no such orders. I'm here just taking a stroll, stretching my legs. These men are my personal bodyguard.
Our army will stay in Sparta. Where will you go? I hadn't really thought about it I suppose I'll head north.
What shall we do? What can we do? What can you do? Sparta will need sons. Come back with your shield There's no room for softness No place for weakness. Only the hard and strong may call themselves Spartans.
This isn't their army. We heard Sparta was on the warpath and we were eager to join forces.
If it is blood you seek, you are welcome to join us. But you bring only this handful of soldiers against Xerxes? I see I was wrong to expect Sparta's commitment to at least match our own. What is your profession? I'm a potter, sir.
You see, old friend? I brought more soldiers than you did. All his 40 years have been a straight road It has followed us since Sparta. Where are all the people?Spartans Part II " Astenios' Death "
I put their number at around They came with beasts from the blackness. With their claws and fangs Have the gods no mercy? The child speaks of the Persian ghosts, known from the ancient times. They are the hunters of men's souls. They cannot be killed or defeated. We'll put their name to the test.
Into the Hot Gates we march. Into that narrow corridor we march Spartans, citizen-soldiers, freed slaves. For honor's sake, for duty's sake, for glory's sake, we march. Into hell's mouth we march. Let's watch these motherless dogs It does look like rain. Zeus stabs the sky with thunderbolts Only one among us keeps his Spartan reserve.
I'm afraid gossip and protocol Is such secrecy needed? How am I to trust beyond the walls of my own home? Even here, Theron has eyes and ears which fuel Sparta with doubt and fear. You speak as if all Sparta conspires against you.
I wish it were only against me. Many on our council would vote to give all we have And you can arrange for me to speak to the council? If it is reason they want, I will let them know. Know what, my queen? Freedom isn't free at all. That it comes with the highest of costs, the cost of blood. I will do my best to gather our council.
And its chamber shall be filled with your voice. Leonidas is my king as well as yours. I saw those ships smash on the rocks.
How can this be? We saw but a fraction of the monster that is Xerxes' army. There can be no victory here. Why do you smile? I have fought countless times Keep going, you dogs!
I am the emissary I demand that someone show me your commander. Do you think the paltry dozen you slew scares us? These hills swarm with our scouts. And do you think your pathetic wall will do anything Our ancestors built this wall And with a little Spartan help You will pay for your barbarism! It's not yours anymore. Run along and tell your Xerxes he faces free men here Your women will be slaves.
Your sons, your daughters But not you, no. By noon this day you will be dead men. A thousand nations of the Persian Empire descend upon you. Our arrows will blot out the sun. Then we will fight in the shade. The wall is solid.
It'll do the job of funneling the Persians into the Hot Gates. Have the men found any route through the hills to our back? There is such a route, good king. Just pass that western ridge. It's an old goat path. The Persians could use it to outflank us. Not one step closer, monster! Wise king, I humbly request an audience. He is a good soldier There is nothing to forgive, brave king.
I know what I look like.
Meet the Spartans () - IMDb
You wear the crimson of a Spartan. I am Ephialtes, born of Sparta. My mother's love led my parents to flee Sparta Your shield and armor? I beg you, bold king, to permit me My father trained me to feel no fear, to make spear and shield and sword I will earn my father's armor, noble king I will kill many Persians.
Your father should have taught you how our phalanx works. That is the source of our strength. Each Spartan protects the man to his left A single weak spot and the phalanx shatters. From thigh to neck, Ephialtes. I am sorry, my friend. I cannot use you. Dispatch the Phocians to the goat path