Relationships: Marriage is give and take | The New Times | Rwanda
However, marriage is a give and take arrangement, and it can only The term marriage changed meaning from love and cherish to a war zone. Give and take policy in life and in relationships 'Daily interchange in marriage is also assisted by the reciprocation tendency, without which. Definition of give and take in the Idioms Dictionary. give and take phrase. If we want this marriage to be successful, we both have to learn to give and take.
Marriage Is A Give And Give Relationship
If you treat marriage like any other relationship, you will never get the great marital benefits that everyone assumes materializes all by themselves. If you behave in a give-and-take mode, expecting good behaviors to get your spouse reciprocating, you will end up disappointed.
Marriage does not operate upon the give-and-take principle of reciprocity. Marriage requires you to operate with a higher intention instead of just trying to get as much from your spouse as possible. Many greatly misunderstood and misconceived when spouses repeated the same vows, they had made a deal.
No, they did not make a deal. They never made vows contingent on each other making the same vows.
If you had done so, your marriage would be nothing more than a business deal, and, even if it lasted, it would be classified as a failed marriage.
The greatest benefit of marriage is unconditional love, period. All the other benefits do not add up to being a fraction of the value of feeling love. Love is the ultimate succor, what we all seek and need. But you cannot feel the love you have if your mind wonders when you will get a payback. If your mind is calculating a balance of give and take, even subconsciously, you will not feel the love you seek. When you recognize you married the desired person in order to cherish and please them, without expecting anything in return, then your marriage will succeed.
You pour out your love and efforts soul-ly pun intended for your spouse.
Marriage Is A Give And Give Relationship
The same is true for relationships where a balance of give and take is a sound recipe for long-term satisfaction. The basic system Give and take is basically an investment, or 'bucket', system. Sometimes we put things into the bucket and sometimes we take things out. And by and large, the bucket is on average partially full. The classic example is a bank account, where we save for the future and take money out for important purchases.
Slightly more complex is our career, where we invest in study and hard work and reap the rewards of pay, promotion and personal fulfilment. Some systems are always positive, for example the money in your wallet. When it runs out, it cannot be less than zero.
Yet if you borrow money, your net wealth can go negative, for example when you owe money to the bank. Debt is a source of much woe, often caused by short-term motivations, which makes it a notable persuasive lever. The overall behavioral impact of the system is that it encourages people to seek balance. If I take, then I must give in return. In order to take when I am in need, I must first make deposits. We hence seek to keep our accounts positive at least to the degree of an adequate safety net for future needs, with more risk-averse people with good self-control sustaining a larger average credit level.
A more complex give and take is in our relationships, where we give and take time, support and emotion to and from other people.
Give and Take
Giving typically implies generous support that is gratefully received, yet this is not always the case. We can foist things on people or give only reluctantly. And we may be desperate or unwilling to receive. Likewise, taking can range from grateful acceptance of a kind offer to coercive demands.
Both give and take can hence be positive and negative in intent and involve corresponding positive and negative emotions.
The equation of reciprocity The way we behave in balancing give and take is driven by the personal and social need for fairness. Relationships extend this to work through the force of reciprocitywhere there is a strong obligation to repay what you are given. If one person owes too much to the other, resentment and conflict may arise and the relationship may consequently fall apart.
An exact balance is not always required as trust acts to make this a 'sloppy' system. The greater the trust, the more negative the balance can become before concern about repayment arises.
If I trust you then I will give a lot before I seek to take in return, confident that you will repay me at some time in the future. In each relationship there is a bucket system of 'social capital' where we make deposits and withdrawals from the bucket. The exact currency is difficult to define but could perhaps be approximated with the formula emotion x time.
If you spend two hours helping someone, and they spend an hour helping you, then, if the emotional exchange is equal, they still owe you an hour. Emotional complexity The problem in balancing the books of social exchange is that emotion is a complex variable. If you help me for an hour and I am very grateful, then I may feel a need to help you for three hours doing something in return.
Gratitude is hence a powerful driving emotion in social exchange. When I help you, it is your gratitude that is the deposit in my account that motivates you to repay me, not just the fact that I helped you. Other emotions complicate the situation. For example if I help you and expect you to be grateful, then my feelings of expectation will give me the impression that I have earned a certain amount of social capital, and that my bucket is a little fuller as yours is a little emptier. Yet if you are not that grateful, you will not think you owe me that much.
In fact if you did not need or want my help then you may think you owe me nothing. And if you see my help as an intrusion or an attempted 'robbery' in forcing me to owe you in return then your feelings of resentment will tip the balance the other way as you believe I owe you some reparation for the wrong done.
- Give And Take Quotes
- Relationships: Marriage is give and take
In this way positive and negative emotions have opposite effects on the social capital bucket, and the stronger the emotion, the bigger the effect. If you hurt me in any way, then you owe me.Relationship - Give & oculo-facial-surgery.info